First thing’s first, I’ve been more than a little bit stressed recently. Why? A relatively new phenomenon fondly known as the ‘quarter life crisis’. Let me tell you, I’ve had a few, and I’ve only just turned 21.
The fear of making the wrong decision is something that really haunts me, and always has done. It’s safe to say I’ve done quite a lot of mind-changing in my life so far, and it’s definitely caused me to have trust issues with myself. I struggle to have confidence in my own decisions.
My friends and family already know that I’m changing course at Uni as of September. This decision has triggered a whole load of conflicting emotions for me.
The people who know me best already know how many times I’ve changed my mind about what I want to do with my life. In fact, I wrote a blog post about it, which you can see here.
All those choices have caused so much self-doubt, and really made me question my ability to make decisions. I definitely have a tendency to go into things with all my heart, which runs the risk of suddenly having those feelings disappear, like a switch has literally been turned off and I’m left thinking ‘why did I ever want this?’
I recently saw a careers advisor at Uni which really helped me to accept my decision making processes. She reassured me that it’s actually completely OK to keep changing your mind. The job market nowadays is a lot more complex; having lots of different skills and having explored different avenues is not at all a negative.
It made me realise that maybe my mind-changing isn’t such a terrible thing after all. My life experiences so far have taught me how short and precious our time on Earth is, and I decided a long time ago that I will never do something just because I feel I ‘should’ or because anyone tells me I’m doing it wrong.
Life is too short to lie to myself; it’s too short to waste my time doing something my heart is not in just because it’s the most conventional route.
My time studying Magazine Journalism has been amazing; I’ve learnt a tonne of new skills, met some of my best friends and adapted to life away from home. Just because I’m moving on doesn’t mean that this year has been a waste.
This year has been a part of my own complex and unique journey, and to me, life is all about the journey. I have grown and developed as a person, and am simply ready to move on to the next chapter in my life.
Psychology has always been my passion; I’m a person who’s interests tend to change a lot, but its the one thing that’s never failed to fascinate me. It was my favourite A-Level, and was the first thing I ever applied for at Uni.
Had life happened under different circumstances, and had I managed to get the grades I needed, I think I would’ve 100% gone down this path in the first place. But life happens, things didn’t pan out that way and I was led down a different road which I wholeheartedly believed was right for me at the time.
At the end of the day, I think that’s all that matters. I will always be led by my heart, and if my heart is not fully invested in something, I will struggle. That’s just my personality and although it can be frustrating at times, I don’t think it’s a weakness.
I want to fill my life with experiences that make my heart feel something, rather than doing what I feel I should or by taking what might be a slightly more ‘logical’ path.
Some people like to follow their head, and if that works for you that’s great. It doesn’t matter how you make your decisions, all that matters is how content you are with them.
But to all those people like me who are led by your hearts, please just know that it’s absolutely fine, even if society might sometimes tell us our path is weird or wrong.
In the long run, my journey toward the career I end up in might be a bit more ‘messy’, but it will be uniquely mine. I will be able to truthfully say that I put my whole heart and soul into everything I did. To me, that’s what life is all about.