Valentine’s Day for the Perpetually Single: A Love Letter

Valentine's heart saying "I love you"

Depending on your nature, being single on Valentine’s Day can elicit a range of different emotions. Perhaps for you it just passes by like any other day, whether it be because you think it’s a meaningless social construct or because you quite simply don’t care. Others enjoy Valentine’s Day as a singleton – maybe you’re a romantic that enjoys revelling in the happiness of others, or maybe you like to use it as an excuse to treat yourself.

Personally, I’m ashamed to say I’m more of a third type of Valentine’s Day single. The miserable one – Valentine’s very own version of Scrooge, if you will. As someone who hasn’t had a partner on Valentine’s Day since I was 15, but that often finds myself craving a relationship, I tend to feel especially bitter at this time of the year. It feels silly to say it when, after all, the whole day is just a commercialised ploy, but at times it really affects me. I often find myself feeling lonely and generally not great about myself.

If you find yourself in the same situation around Valentine’s Day or indeed at any other time of the year, take comfort in the fact that you’re not alone. Perhaps it makes you second guess your worth as an individual, or question why you’re not ‘good enough’. These thoughts definitely pass through my own head more frequently than I’d like to admit.

I pride myself in being a very positive person when I can be, but I 100% still battle with a hell of a lot of self-doubt, albeit much less that I once did. I often wonder why it is that the people around me can find loving partners when it can feel like all I’ve ever been seen as is either someone to be overlooked or, more often than not, a sexual object. There’s something tiresome about getting daily attention only focused on the way your body looks (in filtered and posed pictures). There’s something about it that makes me think, “but why does nobody see any worth in me beyond that?”

I’ve found myself in this lovely little pit of despair quite a lot, recently. Having being single for so long, it can chip away at you, those thoughts of “why haven’t I found someone yet?” And the answer to questions like these never end up swaying in your favour.

But what I and anyone else who feels in a similar situation needs to remember, is that we are not less because nobody has come along yet who sees the value in us. Our worth does not require being validated by another person. It is there, regardless of whether or not somebody else acknowledges that.

So, as I always say in the lead up to Valentine’s Day, don’t let it ruin your happiness. Try to spin Valentine’s Day around – use it as a chance to dedicate a day to you. Show yourself how wonderful you know you are. It’s cliché, I know, but in previous years it has helped me to drag myself out of my miserable state.

Treat yourself to something you love (lingerie is often a favourite of mine, but this year I think I’m going for FOOD), have a pamper evening; light candles and exfoliate and lotion your skin, pick out a movie you’ve been desperate to watch and watch it alone. Because you are enough, because you are whole already. You are whole and perfect and do not need a single other person to ‘complete’ you.

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